Once upon a time…

… there was a girl named Melissa. She was a tall, pretty, soft hearted, blonde girl. She had an illnes that she could never cure. It was a heart disease called LOVE.
She was in love with love…
The heart feeling when she couldn’t feel love inside, was terrible. She could cry for days because she wasn’t being loved.
And also, she could always find someone to love and to care about.
It didn’t even matter how a guy looks or how he thinks or what he does.
In the moment, she felt a warm, pretty, emotional wave, she could end up falling in love.
That’s what caused her death.
She fell in love with too many people. They all end up as a waste of time. She was looking for passion and she was trying to learn finding it by experiencing it. She couldn’t find passion and decided to create her own.
But that seemed dangerous to her lovers. The way that it scares them…
They were afraid of that passionate woman because no man was qualified enough to know what he wants.
Once they loved that woman who loves in a pure way, then their egos appeared.
They tryied to make boundries that limits her freedom.
And of course this action melted all purity which existed inside of her.
She started to play mind games and there it is.
She started to believe in her own lies and her aim was nothing but tricking her lovers.
Once pure honesty is gone, there is no power that can chase lies away…
Her last lie was,
“I will always love you.”
Unfortunately, it didn’t last so long.

Education or Fashion ?

When you interrupt my school day to force me change clothes because my skirt is so short (my legs are 1.20 cm fucker !!) or my bra stripes are visible, you’re telling me that hiding my body is more important than my education.
You’re telling me that making sure the boys have a distraction-free learning environment is more important than my education.
YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT BOYS ARE MORE ENTITLED TO AN EDUCATION THAN I AM !

I go to school every saturday. I have ekstra classes. I wore a skirt and it was just so normal. As long as i know how to sit and walk and act, it is okay. I can wear that fucking skirt. My parents even don’t say a word about it. Because there is nothing wrong with my skirt and there is nothing wrong with my character. I ‘m not going to school to flash boys or turn them on.
Whatever, during the day, 3 female, 2 male teachers warned me. “If principal sees that, your skirt can cause some trouble to you.”
Let me tell you something,
I don’t care.
Nothing happened at school so i went home and my mom and i had a big arguement because principal called my mom and shouted at her like he is talking to a little child. Has anybody talked about respect with that guy? Huh ?
My mom was so angry and she shouted at me….
That’s not good but okay. I didn’t care that much. Then, she understood her fault and decided to buy me new (longer) skirts. And she said, “You can wear whatever you want, just please be more careful about your school outfit. We are all parts of the system. So, let’s play with their rules.”

I want to be not shy while singing in front of too many people and i want to be known as the girl who sings really nice. Because i do. But unfortunetally i’m too shy to be myself around people. It feels like if hide my personality and my abilities, nobody’s going to have something that they can insult and break my heart. Because i ‘m not so happy that means i don’t need any more sadness in my life.
I don’t know, that might seem a little bit unmature to you but that’s what i think.
I have one or two friends that i can be myself around, and that’s really not enough.
As i told you, i need some self-confidence or i’m gonna live an empty life then gonna die as a big NOTHING.

Impatient Blonde

Hi ! I am a girl who has to be in many crowded places like EVERYDAY !!
I know that sounds normal because there are people around and you are one them blah blah…
I can’t stand streets that are full of running, walking, talking, waving, shaking, jumping, moving people. Okay okay i admit it okay, i am taking anti-depressants for that. But please tell me. Isn’t it super-annoying when someone makes permanent voices with a pencil or something else? Or don’t you wanna rip somebody’s leg of when they permanently swing it ?

No?!

Am i the only abnormal person here ?
Whatever, i’ll keep writing.
Don’t you get really annoyed when a friend of you texts like a 10 messages and they’re like this;
-hey
-dude
-you’re
-not
-gonna believe
-what happened
-!!!!!
– :0
And your phone starts vibrating like a fucking sex toy!
Am i the only one who wants to smash the phone and make that crazy friend eat what’s left from your phone ?
You can call me a weirdo but that’s who i am. And i really hate being disturbed. Please, just let me live in serenity and treat me like i’m a spirit. Please, let me find piece. Bye. See you soon. Or, not. !

Recurrence of History

Untill today, i had too many wrong choices. Here is a list of them;
•My first kiss was with a boy that i didn’t even like.
•I’ve been together with nearly 20 guys without even thinking.
•I made wrong decisions about friendship.
•I didn’t kick that bitch’s face, who caused a break up with me and my 6 monht lasted relationship. (I WAS GOING TO THE RECORD!!!)
•I thought i was a lesbian so i and my female cousin made out for hours.
•I wrote everything about me to a diary. (So my mom found it and… Whatever, you need to wait for my diary. I’m gonna write about it, too.)
These mistakes are made by me. I accept them. But there is only one that i can neeeveer eeveeeer be able to accept. Here it is…

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That’s my boyfriend. We are going to the same school. So we see each other like, 12 hours a day!

Normally seeing your beloved one for the half of the day during the week is an amazing thing.

But there is a problem!
I quickly get bored if a boy treats me like i’m a princess.
Being loved and being behaved well is a perfect thing but for me? No… Not at all.
I am not that kind of girl who gets shy when her boyfriend kisses her or holds her hand or says he loves her.
I am a girl who is in love with passion. I am that kind of girl who can sit on her boyfriend’s lap and hug him like hours, then slap him in the face and kiss the hurting zone saying “I can hurt you sometimes but i am the only one who can heal you.”
I just love to be complicated. Because i need some complications in my life.
“I want a love that consumes me. I want passion and adventure, and even a little danger.”